Highly Illogical.
Carol / 19 / Chinese / Australia /  Dreaming / ♥


→ May 2013
Anonymous: when a girl says she 'needs space,' how long can she keep this up for? what are my chances of her speaking to me again?

Hi, Anon! Sorry for the ridiculously late reply - it’s just that so much has been going on recently. If you still need advice (or if anybody else needs similar advice), it really depends on the context and the girl. It could go either way. If you want me to be absolutely brutal about it, ‘I need space’ can mean one of two things: “I’m testing you” (I know you boys hate it but it’s a sorry fact of life) or “I’m getting tired of you.” For your purposes, you’d better hope that it’s the first one. If it’s the first one, she will keep it up for as long as she needs to. This is the cue for you to demonstrate some persistence. The more you show her “it has to be you”, the more quickly she’ll return to normal. For the second one, it’s a little more complicated. Unless you can do something to spark her interest again, it’s highly likely that she’ll continue with her polite-but-distant act until you guys actually return to being ‘acquaintances’. To be perfectly honest, your chances depend entirely on how well you manage the situation. Good luck! 

→ Mar 2013
Anonymous: who's "him"?

Hmmn… there are a lot of ways I could answer this question but, for now, I’ll just say that he’s a boy who likes me.

→ Mar 2013
Anonymous: Hey Carol, hope you're doing well. Don't forget to always keep looking forward and smile!

Sorry, I totally forgot to reply! Thank you very much. The same goes to you C: xx

→ Mar 2013
I wanna know what people assume about me because of my tumblr.

Put an assumption in my ask. I’ll confirm or dispute it. I’m not gonna be mean or anything, I’m just very interested. You can go anon if you want.

Inbox me?

(Source: beautifulandscary, via motivationhunter)

→ Feb 2013
Anonymous: Is anu better than um?

UM? Do you mean University of Melbourne? Umnnn. Look, if I say anything here, I run the risk of offending people… but it really depends on what you want to get out of your university experience. I came to ANU because I didn’t want to go to University of Melbourne or Monash University. ANU law was my first and only choice; I didn’t even put down any back-up preferences.

I love ANU because it’s the only university in Australia that offers the complete campus lifestyle and residential experience. Sure, you could live on campus at Monash or Melbourne and the students from either university will tell you it’s the same thing… but it really isn’t. It’s a different feeling altogether to live in a university town where 70% of the students you meet will live within walking distance to you (or next door LOL). Parties, social events.. etc, are all made so much more convenient (hence there are a lot of them), and I don’t have to take 2 hours of public transport every day to get to and from class.

It also depends on what course you intend to study. Different universities are strong in different areas. Life is what you make of it. I love ANU and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, but others may feel differently.

→ Feb 2013
Anonymous: Hi! Can I just ask how much does it cost you to live in ANU? Or do you live in like an apartment near it and not in actual colleges?

Hi, Anon ~ I lived in Ursula Hall last year (catered college); this year I’ve moved to Unilodge (self-catered residency), but in terms of rent you’re looking at approximately $600 a fortnight or $6000 - $7000 a semester. That’s rent by itself. Living as a uni student is expensive on top of that - things like groceries, parties, social activities and life in general don’t come cheap.

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: if the girl u like actually likes someone else, is it best to let go?

Hi, Anon~ umnn, well, that depends on a lot of factors. It varies from situation to situation, and since I don’t know yours I can’t give you an accurate answer. I will say, however, that I, personally, believe in persistence. In some situations, it may be better to back off a little… but if you really like her, I don’t see that would stop you from liking her. Things change; don’t push your feelings onto her but keep in mind that, if you really like her, it’s not like you don’t have a chance. I mean… it’s better for her to like someone else than specifically dislike you, right? Anyway, the short answer is: it’s up to you.

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: hey, could you please recommend me some good books to read? any genre :)

Hello, Anon! Yes, of course I will ^____^ Unfortunately, I don’t have access to my bookshelf right now and I haven’t been reading as much as I used to so you’ll have to forgive me if you’ve heard of these before. There are some slightly more obscure novels that are simply incredible however I can’t quite recall their names at the moment (ask me again in a couple of weeks LOL)… Anyway, just off the top of my head and in no particular order:

  • Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami 
  • Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
  • Pet Semetary - Stephen King
  • The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
  • Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
  • Ain’t She Sweet - Susan Elizabeth Phillips
  • Looking For Alaska - John Green
  • Under the Dome - Stephen King
  • The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
  • 11/22/63 - Stephen King
  • Icarus - Russel Andrews

As you can probably tell, I have a special fondness for Murakami and King. Anyway, these are all great books (in fact, some I would call ‘life-changing’). They are, however, mostly targeted at an older audience (I would say late teens and up) and each individual’s tastes tend to vary. I’ve tried to choose books that I think the overwhelming majority would enjoy. Hopefully, you’ll love them as much as I do!

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: what happened to you and your boyfriend if you dont mind me asking

Hello, anon~ long story short, he was cheating on me and we broke up x) nothing dramatic, though.

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: hi! can I just ask you what ATAR score you got when you finished high school?

Hello, Anon! Sorry, I’m not comfortable giving the exact number however I I will tell you that it was around 98.

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: being an anon just makes it easier to say all this. im sorry u got to read this but i feel it feels better saying this as a anon because u cant judge me. u dont know who i am and it feels good that way. i may be going over board but i cant take it. keeping everything inside feeling that if u tell anyone, u become a burden. i hate it. i really do. the whole world is so fucking complicated. i wish it were as easy as 1, 2, 3. im sorry if you feel burdened readin this but dont worry. i am anon. ty.

Hi, Anon~ I’m so sorry about how late this reply is. I actually wrote you an answer while I was in Taiwan but my computer malfunctioned and shut down before I could post it. After that, a lot of stuff happened and I just couldn’t bring myself to write a new response. I’ll reply to all of your messages here.

Sometimes life is hard and, sometimes, people are shit. That’s the truth. Sometimes people are going to walk all over you, knock you down and fail to apologize… It may be lonely, but I assure you that you’re not alone. There are always people who care and are willing to listen. There are people who want to help. If you reach out your hand you may be surprised by the people who are willing to take it.

You mentioned feeling like ‘a nobody, a fake’ for not fitting in and not knowing who you are. Sometimes, I struggle with the sensation of being an imposter in my own life, too, so I think I know what you mean. It sounds cliche but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s true that the world doesn’t care about one person’s plight; even if your life is falling apart at the seams, the earth will keep on spinning and the sun will still rise… But that just means that all things come to pass. Time won’t slow for the best day of your life, but it won’t stop for the worst day either. Be strong and ride it out.

Furthermore, you need help. Don’t think that you are a burden. I’m sure that your friends and family would want you to confide in them. In my short 19 years upon this earth, one thing that I’ve discovered is: people do want to help, as unbelievable as it sounds. If you’re still uncomfortable talking to them, feel welcome to message me off anon. I’m always up for a chat.

And, finally, in response to your last message… I know that you aren’t saying this for ‘sympathy’. Please don’t think that I was ignoring your message. I hope you feel better soon!

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: Are you alright?

Yes! I am now… I was pretty down before but I’ve been talking to people and two of my good friends from Canberra said things that mean a lot to me! And now I’m somewhere close to ecstatically happy… I feel so loved x3 And thank you for worrying about me, anon C: I’m fine.

→ Jan 2013
Anonymous: hi, sorry if I'm bothering you... I don't know who else to ask. a few months ago I got turned down by this girl I like and we've kind of just been friends since then... I know other people are chasing her as well and I think I either need to give it one more shot or try my best to let go. I don't know what I can do anymore I think she only sees me as a friend. I just feel sad a lot of the time now do u think I should just stop trying?

Hello, Anon >< I’m so sorry that this reply is so late… I’ve been really busy, recently. I guess my break hasn’t really been much of a ‘break’ haha… Anyway, I would say give it one more shot if you can do it in a respectful way, no matter what the result may be. You should try once more for yourself rather than for her. Personally, I hate being saddled with regrets - I don’t like to think ‘what if’ - and I think most people do. If you give it your best go, at least you’ll know. If you aren’t bothering her, then you don’t need to stop trying. Often, persistence will move a girl’s heart in a way that nothing else will.

I’ll tell you a story. My parents ‘met’ at a funeral (yeah, morbid, I know) and my father thought that my mother was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. My mother was raised in a family of four girls, however, and she was generally quite shy/uncomfortable around boys. The next day, my father sought out my mother, following a trail of mutual friends to find out how to contact her, and, after they were formally introduced, he told her that “you’re the girl I’m going to marry”. My mum thought he was crazy (and probably an arrogant prick, too) but he started courting her from then on. She wavered between dating him and refusing him for 6 months. He would show up at her work, bearing flowers and gifts, and she would hide from embarrassment. He was studying in another province at the time but would write letters, bring back presents for her, her parents, and vist her at home; she vehemently denied that they were were dating. After 6 months of rejecting him, she was moved by his persistence and, finally, agreed to a relationship. A few years later, they got married and, a few years after that, they had me… That’s my story. Take from it what you will and good luck!

→ Nov 2012
Anonymous: I am glad someone feels the way I feel sometimes. Even though there is nothing wrong, something just makes you feel .. not right? Enough to make you want to cry. And the problem is, I don't mind feeling that way. But I don't want to cry because I think crying is for the useless. I don't exactly know if you feel the same but I feel somewhat relieved that I wasn't the only one who feels this way, unless you don't and what I'm saying is completely new to you.

Hello, Anon~ yeah, I think I know how you feel. I’ve probably done a hundred posts trying to capture that feeling but I’ve never been able to get it just right, so I’m glad that you felt you could relate. It’s just that ‘wrongness’ that can’t be traced back to anything in particular, right? As if someone took a piece of you and hid it. Everything else might be perfect but there’s always that feeling tainting each and every other aspect of your life and you can’t do anything about it. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to approach me. I would welcome a chance to get to know you.

→ Nov 2012
Anonymous: you went to canberra and met new people too! do you not like canberra? :<

I love Canberra. A lot of people have trouble comprehending why I love this place - this life - so much and, sometimes, I feel a little sorry for them. A lot of people are too caught up in the past and can’t fully adapt or accept the changes a change in environment offers but, fortunately, I’m not one of them.

There are two reasons I adore my life in Canberra. The people and the lifestyle. I’ve met so many wonderful people; I feel like they’ve helped me grow as a person. I’ve discovered so many things about people that I didn’t know before and, for the first time in my life, I am wholly and completely secure in the knowledge that I have friends - people outside of my immediate family - who care about me. Every day, I’m grateful. And I love the lifestyle. I love everything that comes with living in a university-town, ‘on campus’ with thousands of other students. I’m free; I’m independent; I’m unhindered. I live my life as I see fit and I manage my time myself.

But even if you’re happy - even if your life seems whole, and good, and perfect - there will always be things that bother you. You’ll still be stressed, you’ll still be lonely, you’ll still be sad, every now and then. That’s human nature. You can’t escape it. You can’t escape the anger, the hurt and uncertainty that comes with being human just by moving cities. I’m happy, but I’m still me - same old problems, same old flaws. I’m still imperfect.